Approximately 112 miles of handsome open spaces—
rivers gently whispering, and clouds soften like
marshmallows over ambers in a campfire.
Driving toward familiarity, bliss, and excitement
for a road ahead filled with spontaneity and mystery.
We run together, holding hands, escaping for a moment—
traveling along paths of deep conversation and pleasure.
Our souls were connected even before we met amongst
music from the South, red wine, and high heels.
If only we could pause time, travel the world together
and take pictures of sunsets and random strangers.
For now, we have a friendship as deep as the Grand Canyon
and warmer than Death Valley in the dead of summer.
The drinks were cold,
melting into rotten brown tables
with cracks identifying rich history.
Making a new finish,
surfacing the wood with hickory hearts
and stained smiles.
Forks turn toward one another,
puncturing the surface only to create
a mark never to be forgotten.
Conversations leaning, chairs moving,
eyes drifting toward the unknown.
The room fades as prongs gently touch.
The strength of metal draws like species
together, however guilt forces them away.
What a shame that similar utensils cannot
i have much less anger now. what has changed? realizing that i MUST give back. years of selfishness cannot be analyzed. there is no time for pondering moments of the past when i MUST live for today. im so glad im done with that LIFE and can live a completely NEW one. this is the real me speaking. for those individuals i have hurt, i will show you through my actions and words that im sorry. i cannot take away the person i once was, just show you the person i can be. this is me. finally free.
it was cold in salt lake city when i nonchalantly woke up in the comfortable bed. driving with tears for fears was pleasant in times of sadness. i left more dark than when i had arrived. the presence of depressed individuals can suppress my ability to be happy. the constant nagging about how messed up life is, when really, we dont even know how good we have it. to live under a roof, have clothing on our backs, food on the table, opportunities to be educated, surrounded by supportive family, as well as technology linking us to the community are only fantasies for some. and here, we have it all. i've decided my time is scarce. there are going to be people that need me more than i need them. but when my personal happiness is being put in jeopardy, i must back off.
then... i got out of my car and began to walk. snow was falling gracefully on my shoulders. students surrounding me on the cement path. i stepped off the road and paced toward the lonely tree. this place is beautiful. how does this happen? im struck with comfort and filled with joy. this is not home, but look what i have been blessed with: a sanctuary of peace. gratitude for the introduction of beauty and laughter.
instead of painting my walls black, im admiring the purity of snow.
i press on this day, the depression of yesterday a mere lesson for tomorrow. i move on. im unsure of how long my life will be so there's no need to sweat the small things. the picture is much bigger at hand. and, im making an effort to prevail. if they aren't willing to climb out, i must set them free. no more misery.
relievedwhat i dont understand is why my family watches so much tv. every room i walk in, the tv is on--i simply walk out. it doesn't make sense to me when there is nothing to be gained from these sitcoms. it just strengthens the theme of anti-tv in my life, and i hope my family may sometime in their life agree with me.
Inside…
the touch, frighteningly soft like white
bear rugs that accent deer mantels in luxury lodges.
Strikingly cold, yet warmed when fingers
run through fibers of fine fur.
Outside…
stars twinkle through bay windows
And puffs of smoke rise above rooftops.
Frozen branches glisten with snow--
the picture is as simple as it is complex.
Internally…
two voices echo one another as
shadows collide under unobtrusive lights.
Embracing the idea, but challenging the concept--
fatal aftermath.
Externally…
time melts with the capsule buried
66 inches under the foot of man.
Seasons change, grounds thaw.
Only brute strength and a shovel
can extract year s of memories from rotten soil.
Why spoil being frozen when hearts can thaw
in the dead of winter?
A plethora of emotions
filling space in an empty cabin.
The ancient stove is running,
but bitter cold eats bugs
while killing engines in the streets.
Icicles of symmetry line the eves—
touching one another slightly,
adding weight, and causing friction
as they fall.
In bed, cuddling up with blankets,
but never feeling warmth.
The TV glares at a single shadow
who tunes out words that jumble together.
Thinking, but not writing,
Dreaming, but not breathing.
Feeling, but not acting.
Dead like the souls in the cold,
but awakened to the silence in the street.
Constantly moving internally—
memories flashing rapidly.
What happened five minutes ago becomes blurry,
but the events of 1960 are vivid and magnificent.
If only we could change places, things would become clear.
Instead of struggling for the words, they would spit out of your
mouth like a rocket launching into space.
Instead of walking through life in silence, you would hear
babies cooing, street performers singing, and guitars on the corners.
Instead of losing your once endless appetite,
you would eat French cuisine and pasta with pleasure.
If only we could change places, you could be young again.
Until then, I embrace your stories and memories of the past,
and I know you will create history tomorrow.
Protruding the surface—cutting waves into flesh
deeper than the intention of the thirstiest soul.
Traveling closer to the inward core of humanity,
until doors block emotions out, and people are left
drinking, singing, and stuttering deep into the surface of night.
Voices calling, and words become jumbled among the music,
which dollars are forced into machines only faint enough to hear.
People stepping across peanut shelled floors with skid marks,
wondering when the night will draw near, and tomorrow
will become today. Another mind, heart, and soul struggle
while rolling mindlessly away in office chairs underneath obtrusive lights.
Shuffling papers, wanting to write, and trapped in a room
thinking of you and a typewriter.
Passion before paychecks, songs before silence.
Wanting to propose, but unable to commit to anything
outside of this 8 to 5. Lights in the distance become blurred,
and it is your heart I feel through the keyboard of the day,
Taking moments to reminisce the beautiful fog
pressing into mountains covered with greenery
and large sitka spruce. Boulders standing tall as waves
crash against their bodies creating a mixture of chaos
and stillness. Myriads of people grazing on cheese
and ice cream, but not here, at this heaven too far from earth.
No background noise hinting at civilization, simply pure sounds
vibrating across caves and crevices in the summer.
Standing tall—glancing at one another—drawing energy
into our thighs and down through our toes. Each view, panoramic,
each heart, full of vibrancy, each mind, euphoric.
Sweet silence—
staggering down SW Market.
Unique foliage glistens
under dimming lights.
Walking with others,
feeling unaccompanied,
but secretly smiling.
Stores closing their doors,
beginning to slumber and awaiting
thousands of footsteps on their backs.
Bums crawl under blankets,
crickets start to speak.
Streetcars recharging
until tomorrow.
The city sleeps,
Words boggled down minds, yet bodies relaxed to the movement of muscles lengthening.
There were two things I heard the instructor say, mixed in with all of the things I avoided listening to:
“How you write an essay is how you make love... be gentle.”
“You date the same person, but with a different first name.”
Taking advice from strangers might appear rash, but his voice was subtle.
I feel honored to be Laddie's mom--he is the most amazing dog! The "fostering" did not last long, because I fell madly in love after spending one day with the little mutt. He is petite and active, a cuddle bug, enjoys going on long runs, licks the cats, and loves spending time with other dogs. We are the perfect match, and he has added fulfillment to an already enriched life.
